I am not me...

I thought speaking english with others that we don't know but we should know is not a problem...but when you really want to talk...it's like got a stone stuck inside your throat...is it that difficult actually??who knows??maybe I still not prepare yet...but I know i should have prepared...I know it's not the time to learn to be a coward...I miss my friends in high school...they know me well...and we no need to be so courteous...we can do what we want...say what we want to say...just like do the way we are...but now??I just not like me...